change came in disguise of revelation sent my soul on fire
it has officially been 2 months since my last post and boy have they been 2 of the most turbulent of my life. I discovered why "heartache" is called as such, met some amazing people who get me more than anyone I have met in college, had a huge number of new experiences, finally allowed myself to start a new prescription that I should have about 6 years ago, had some major ups and downs in essentially all aspects of my life but in all reality I have learned more about myself in these 2 months than any other point in my life. the perscription in question, an antidepressant, was an extremely long time coming and as against it as I was for so long, I finally came to the acception that I need it, not because of my incredible doctor who made me realize that the depression I had, which came back recently in full force, never went away and it truly changed me in ways i consider for the worse. I am so so so happy to report that my reservations were unnessecary and I... am... back? I'm not sure how to explain it but, the person I was always before and was occationally since...the person I am, the person I was looking for for so long... has come back and there are truly no words to describe how happy I am for that. I am me again...not some shell of a person. Its so bittersweet, I wish I would have so so long ago but I know that I myself had to come to this decision on my own but I'm glad I finally did. I by no means am healed, I still have to take far too much medication than I want to, and still resort to my former ways, but I am...happy, lucky to live in the amazing place I do, thankful to have the amazing friends and family I have and grateful...just so grateful for the people who have helped me.
I love my life
I love humanity
I love the whole fucking world, the beauty and the chaos the mystery and enlightenment.... I just love
No comments:
Post a Comment