fell

i am this girl. 

however, i've fallen and haven't been able to pick myself back up.

...but ive got a war in my mind

Ride - Lana Del Rey

I've been out on that open road

You can be my full time, daddy

White and gold

Singing blues has been getting old

You can be my full time, baby

Hot or cold

Don't break me down

I've been travelin' too long

I've been trying too hard

With one pretty song

I hear the birds on the summer breeze, I drive fast

I am alone in the night

Been tryin' hard not to get into trouble, but I

I've got a war in my mind

So, I just ride

Just ride, I just ride, I just ride

Dying young and I'm playing hard

That's the way my father made his life an art

Drink all day and we talk 'til dark

That's the way the road doves do it, ride 'til dark.

Don't leave me now

Don't say good bye

Don't turn around

Leave me high and dry

I hear the birds on the summer breeze, I drive fast

I am alone in the night

Been tryin' hard not to get in trouble, but I

I've got a war in my mind

I just ride

Just ride, I just ride, I just ride

I'm tired of feeling like I'm fuckin' crazy

I'm tired of driving 'till I see stars in my eyes

I look up to hear myself saying,

Baby, too much I strive, I just ride

I hear the birds on the summer breeze, I drive fast

I am alone in the night

Been tryin' hard not to get in trouble, but I

I've got a war in my mind

I just ride

Just ride, I just ride, I just ride

no words.

wonder...wander...weather the storm...and just let go

life is... the 

hardest
longest
most wonderful
thing we'll ever endure.

i wish i would dwell less.

a few photos from my last project inspired by snappa...beer in pint glass with die dropped in. illuminated by single candle through glass table

All Your Gold - Bat For Lashes

her latest album is my least favorite thus far but still worth listening to

just bc its not a good day, doesn't mean its not a great life

... I forget to put this in perspective... hmm which happens to be part of what im supposed to be writing about in my essay due in 4 hours...

impasse

things are crap when you let them be. ive lost sight...of the situation, of who i am...of what ive always held myself to. ill be fine. i wish some things were different. but the only way they will is if i do things differently than i have.

Source: tumblr.com via Jenny on Pinterest

life tearing at the seam

sometimes i feel like my friends are missing something when it comes to me...that im not as good as they think i am. that i may be nice and fun but im also a huge mess. i care and worry too much. I can be  ridiculously emotional. im...not all here. i dont learn very well from my mistakes. Im a beautiful disaster of sorts...

I've been obsessed with this song for the past week. Ive known about the naked and famous for a few years but i didnt listen to their entire album until about a week ago. I definitely reccomend it.

finding my IDentity

So on August 18th I went with a large group of friends to Identity Festival in San Diego, my first ever rave-like experience and it was amazing! Unfortunately we hit by far the worst traffic I have ever experienced on the 5 freeway and it too us 8, count em 1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1=8 hours to get from Santa Barbara to San Diego, making us 4 hours late! the hell trip there aside it was amaaazing!!!!
We saw:

Arty

Bingo Players

Paul van Dyke

Porter Robinson

Eric Prydz

I ended up having a minor IDentity crisis(as i call it) where i suddenly became waay too drunk and wandered off (sorry friends) but i rallyed back and had an amaaazing time!
one big bummer was that Hardwell who was schedule backed out the day before bc of the flu :( he was who I was most stocked to see but oh well, there will be more opportunities in the future!

here are some videos my awesome friend Shane was smart enough to take, its ridiculous NO ONE took videos or pictures the whole time except for our lifesaver Shane <3 p="p">

Arty - Sun and Moon

Porter Robinson dropping Language

Porter Robinson playing Unison, Knife Party Remix

The Veldt dropped by Eric Prydz

My highlight of the night! When Eric Prydz dropped his remix of Midnight City by M83

via youtube

The closest thing we have to a group picture and the hotel afterwards, even though half of us aren't in it

becoming soon: the leading lady in my own story

This really has been the story of my life lately...some (ie my housemates) dont really understand it, others are making my life truly the most full it has ever been.

in leu of my watching 500 Days of Summer presently...my favorite song

one procrastination, indivisible...

when all else fails...write just so you can be sure that you have a pretty good grasp on the english language. yeah...i have a paper due in 8 hours, class in 6 and have i started? negative. I did get some good test shots for my project for int photo though so thats cool i guess...probably shouldnt have stayed at my friend b-day till three but oh well I'm doing what I can in my life and trying to extablish a happy give and take of work and play.
     so lately...hmmm what has been happening....oh right i finally turned 21 last tuesday! woo

12 o clock celebration with my faves

skill. 4 inch heels. 1 foot. 4 loco on head and a tad inebriated...mad skills the face says it all

Friday double Birthday dinner at Kyoto, Sushi, Saki Bombs and awesome friends

Jessica's jungle themed Birthday party all of my housemates in our assigned costumes...in case you were wondering...im a football coach, why you ask? i still dont know

All I know is I'm glad I am, though modified and more mature, myself :D i love my life and am truely blessed.

 Midnight City - M83

change came in disguise of revelation sent my soul on fire

it has officially been 2 months since my last post and boy have they been 2 of the most turbulent of my life. I discovered why "heartache" is called as such, met some amazing people who get me more than anyone I have met in college, had a huge number of new experiences, finally allowed myself to start a new prescription that I should have about 6 years ago, had some major ups and downs in essentially all aspects of my life but in all reality I have learned more about myself in these 2 months than any other point in my life. the perscription in question, an antidepressant, was an extremely long time coming and as against it as I was for so long, I finally came to the acception that I need it, not because of my incredible doctor who made me realize that the depression I had, which came back recently in full force, never went away and it truly changed me in ways i consider for the worse. I am so so so happy to report that my reservations were unnessecary and I... am... back? I'm not sure how to explain it but, the person I was always before and was occationally since...the person I am, the person I was looking for for so long... has come back and there are truly no words to describe how happy I am for that. I am me again...not some shell of a person. Its so bittersweet, I wish I would have so so long ago but I know that I myself had to come to this decision on my own but I'm glad I finally did. I by no means am healed, I still have to take far too much medication than I want to, and still resort to my former ways, but I am...happy, lucky to live in the amazing place I do, thankful to have the amazing friends and family I have and grateful...just so grateful for the people who have helped me.

I love my life
I love humanity
I love the whole fucking world, the beauty and the chaos the mystery and enlightenment.... I just love

<3

this song......"hey hey"

steinbeck's sequel

If anyone hasn't listened to Of Monsters and Men, you really need to get on that! This Swedish sextet has been a daily ritual for me the past few months, I hope it becomes one of yours too!

rainbow bright

I've never really been into the rainbow streak hair...that is until i saw this Coachella themed editorial Coachillin' and this girl's hair completely caught me off guard. I love that the brown in her hair is still very much still there. I have never done anything extreme to my hair but this summer...in many ways my last summer(being the one before my senior year of college)... I'm feeling inspired. I really cannot wait for summer, my first one staying in Isla Vista and I'll be turning a little age the big 2-1!  

my school's purdy cool

So UCSB was California's only stop in the traveling experience Mirazozo Luminarium by Architects of the Air. For 4 days we had the pleasure of experiencing this amazing neon experience, that is lit exclusively by daylight. The lines were crazy but my bf and I waited 40 minutes, and it was well worth the wait. I unfortunately forgot my camera, but it really does go to show how amazing it was considering the pictures I took are from my 1.2 mp camera phone. It was really one of the coolest experiences of my life, we were able to relax in little portals and travel through the different rooms, I seriously wish I could live there... ahh what an experience. 

Know this, I've noticed.

         So it never really clicked in my head but I've realized that the reason I've become so horrifically terrible at maintaining my blog is because...I'm happy, or at least happier. I've thought that my reasoning was simply, I don't have time. Which, true, I am very busy, but not to the point I couldn't handle posting a few times each week, or even once. I really don't know why I never realized it before; I've kept a journal since I was 12 and I've known that I use it as a coping method, my own self therapy.
            Blogging obviously is more different for me, it is much less personal than a journal, and I've tried to make sure that my posts aren't reeking with self importance and complaining but in my minor epiphany, I realize that I post more often during breaks when I'm with my family(which is awful I know, but my family is far better when we aren't together for extended periods of time, which I'm sure many can relate) when its are finals or other particularly stressful periods are happening at school, and in particular I realize that the first year I blogged, also my first year of college 09-10, the loss of my grandmother(who was very much my third parent) was still very raw and i was still hurting as well as I dealing with depression I had had for a few years, while assimilating to college life and learning more about myself outside of the environment I have always known. In addition, I could not play the sport that was a defining part of me due to re-injury to a prior knee problem and I also struggled with school a great deal until I was finally, at long last, diganosed with ADHD and anxiety. I look back on that year very fondly, because all in all it was a good year that truly changed me and matured me, but I do realize how much pain I bottled up.
          So all this being said I can now get to my point. I want to blog more, I think it is a good way to express oneself and I am going to make an effort to do it more. But this being said, I am changing my approach to it, underlying sadness is hopefully not going to nudge its way into my posts and when it does, I will be more upfront about it. I want this blog to be a medium through which I discover and attempt to articulate my thoughts and opinions, not one to hide my feelings behind.
       For those who still read this blog, thank you for sticking with me, I am determined to recapture or finally capture myself with the help of this blog.

cheers, Jenny

does you inspire you?

I've decided to do a little series on characters that inspire my style.

First on my list is the amazing
Kristen Dunst as Claire Cohlburn in Elizabethtown