so the boy i loved in crushland for 3 years announced his engagement a couple of days ago. I really couldnt be happier for him but at the same time I always kind of hoped we would find our way to eachother. he is seriously one of the nicest and most genuine people i have ever met and i kind of knew he wouldnt be out there long. i may think that 20 is too young but when you know you know, right? and he did. i don't know exactly why i'm saying this but i am. i moved on a long time ago but i know that he'll always be that first guy i was crazy about even if to him we were just friends. i've been thinking about love and its many kinds the past few days. and i know even if i rarely think of him now, i'll always have love in my heart for him. its kind of weird. i've realized that i love very quickly and the feeling doesnt leave easily. it lingers and stays, possibly forever. but i comparmentalize love. while i always know who i love i dont feel it almost ever when im not in that persons presence. this i why i am the best daughter/niece/sister/cousin/friend when im with someone and not so much when i'm not. its something i need to work on, and ive been trying, its just hard with an anxiety disorder, add, and a lot of different comparments of loved ones in my head/heart. i try and the people i know best generally know this about me but i still feel bad.
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