fast as you can

kanye west may be an arrogant douche sometimes but he is talented, case in point, the beautiful 34 minute short film Runaway.

420 du matin

barefoot in the rain, you say you've drowned again.
ill dive in if this is the last of it.
oh sweet insanity you've come at last.
shower me with your breath of calm chaos
lull me into the dreams i once knew.









words from a rainy, sleepless night.
je suis fatigué.

waiting for someone to love me like no other

so the boy i loved in crushland for 3 years announced his engagement a couple of days ago. I really couldnt be happier for him but at the same time I always kind of hoped we would find our way to eachother. he is seriously one of the nicest and most genuine people i have ever met and i kind of knew he wouldnt be out there long. i may think that 20 is too young but when you know you know, right? and he did. i don't know exactly why i'm saying this but i am. i moved on a long time ago but i know that he'll always be that first guy i was crazy about even if to him we were just friends. i've been thinking about love and its many kinds the past few days. and i know even if i rarely think of him now, i'll always have love in my heart for him. its kind of weird. i've realized that i love very quickly and the feeling doesnt leave easily. it lingers and stays, possibly forever. but i comparmentalize love. while i always know who i love i dont feel it almost ever when im not in that persons presence. this i why i am the best daughter/niece/sister/cousin/friend when im with someone and not so much when i'm not. its something i need to work on, and ive been trying, its just hard with an anxiety disorder, add, and a lot of different comparments of loved ones in my head/heart. i try and the people i know best generally know this about me but i still feel bad.